Signs & Symptoms

My son, Phil brought a little excitement to our lives recently when he called, asking what he should do about the tremendous abdominal pain he was feeling. We talked and texted until he found himself waiting to be seen in the local Emergency Department. While sitting there, he had waves of pain, chills and light-headedness. Finally, he was seen by a doctor who ordered IV fluids and pain medication as well as a few tests to determine what was going on. It was discovered that he had a very high white blood count, indicating a serious infection. An abdominal CT scan then revealed appendicitis and he was quickly taken to surgery to have the offending appendix removed. After surgery, the doctor reported that Phil’s appendix had ruptured and therefore a tube was inserted to drain the infection over the course of the next several days. In addition, potent antibiotics were given to him intravenously around the clock in order to combat the raging infection in his gut. Thankfully, Phil was fever-free in 48 hours, gained strength during his hospital stay, and was discharged almost a week after the initial onset of symptoms. We are grateful for the prayers and the medical care he received during this crisis.

I was thinking the other day about how appendicitis could be compared with an issue of brokenness in a heart. Sometimes it’s hard to know what lurks in the dark recesses of one’s heart and quite often we are content to cope and cover in order to hide an issue under “proper behavior” and ignorant bliss. But alas, the Lord who cares deeply for us, won’t allow broken issues to hide for too long before revealing the ugly effects one way or another. We hate crisis – but sometimes I believe God allows difficult things to reveal what lies under the surface. He doesn’t do that for our hurt, but rather for our well-being. It’s like the fever of infection – it’s not to harm us, but rather to alarm us. It moves us to action! Desperation has a way of bringing us to the threshold of transformation. In our distress we may finally come to a point of crying out to God who is able to heal us and free us of the bondages in our soul. I wonder how often we refuse to pay attention to the warning signs of an infection in the soul? A small offense grows into a mountain of bitterness, and relationships are wrought with tension and strife, choking out any joy in living. At what point do we recognize the sure symptoms of disease, stop blaming others and turn to our Physician for healing? And what happens if we choose NOT to do that?

What if Phil chose to suck-it-up and ignore those symptoms of abdominal pain and shaking chills? Or, what if he chose to get checked out, but then settled on pain medication and fever reducers to deal with the negative symptoms, without pursuing the actual cause of the problem? What if he refused to lay down for the surgery, fearing the pain of the procedure or the lengthy recovery afterwards? What if after surgery, he refused follow up treatment of antibiotics, fluids and bed rest? At any step during this journey, had Phil turned his back on the next phase of treatment, he would have put his health and in fact, his very life in jeopardy. We wouldn’t think twice about getting the necessary help to deal with a physical festering issue like a ruptured appendix. We don’t suffer shame and guilt from having to have surgery. Why is it then that we would choose to ignore the infectious issues that plague our heart? Do we not realize there is Help? Do we think we have to suck-it-up and cope? Are we embarrassed to admit the struggles of our soul? Have we fooled ourselves into thinking we are healthy, and not in need of a Healer? Do we gain points from being “healthier” than the next guy? It is only when we can see and admit our own sickness that we embrace our need for the Healer, Jesus. To be so dependent upon the Lord is NOT a shameful weakness, but rather our only hope for grace and strength. Our Physician is the best in the business. Furthermore, He’s the One who loves you most, knows how to root out the infection completely, and has a vision of wholeness for your future. Let Jesus expose to the Light, what’s been lurking in the darkness. It’s going to be ok-you can trust Him with your healing and your full recovery.

"Those who are well have no need of a Physician, but those who are sick.” Luke 5:31

Flight Control

So, I flew to Italy a month ago, and now I’d like to confess something to you: I can become somewhat uncomfortable whenever I am in an enclosed space, and more so when I am in places of notable height. The experts call it claustrophobia and acrophobia, but I’ll just combine them both and call it clacrophobia. As a “clacrophobist” it was no small feat for me to intentionally, of my own freewill, board an enclosed space with a massive wingspan that would ultimately soar 30,000 feet into the highest of heights … over the frigid North Atlantic! (I’m not really afraid of water, just falling into the frigid North Atlantic. I wonder what they call that phobia.) Furthermore, I paid dearly to put myself in this perilous, precarious position! What was I thinking?

The flight attendant goes over the safety instructions, but who’s kidding who? So what if my tightened seatbelt keeps me safely tucked in my seat as we sail 30,000 feet to the earth below? And what if I can’t find that laminated safety card mid-fall so that I can quickly review the oxygen mask run-down? Those people sitting in the roomier exit rows aren’t even paying attention to the instructions on how to unlock the big doors! What happens when they’re called to active duty, scratching their heads because they forgot to listen to the teacher at the beginning of the flight? Don’t just sit there enjoying all that leg room, listen to the lady! Wait – are the floatation devices under my seat or in the overhead compartment – why can’t they be more specific?

I look out the window to try and distract myself. Wow – that wing is huge. I wonder how much it weighs. I wonder if all those rivets holding that baby on to this Airbus are able to handle all that weight. I understand it can get pretty windy up in the clouds. Speaking of weight, how much does this plane weigh? The wise side of me thought it best not to research that bit of information at this point, but the wise side of me also chose to stay safe and sound on the ground back in Rochester. Over 500 tonnes? What is a tonne and how do you pronounce tonne? It must be similar to a ton….oh, here it is. 1 tonne equals 1000 kg, otherwise known as a metric ton. Oh, but look here – they were able to shave about 15 tonnes off by using a non-metal product on some portions of the plane. Nice. Good to know. I wonder if paying more attention in Physics class might have helped alleviate some of this angst rising inside. I never understood the whole aerodynamics thing. In my mind, big, heavy objects generally are harder to get off the ground than say, a butterfly. I purpose not to think too much more on the fact that I have willingly strapped myself into an enclosed space aboard an “Airbus” that weighs well over 500,000 kg knowing it’s about to take off, soaring to unthinkable heights for several hours, over the frigid North Atlantic, entrusting myself, my husband and my child into the hands of a couple of guys (probably younger than I), who have stripes sewn on to the shoulders of their crisp, white shirts, and their hands on the wheel of this bus in order to take us from point A to point B . Breathe, just breathe.

So why does a clacrophobist willingly put herself in such a position? I had about 8 hours to think about it on the way over the ocean. First of all, my desire to arrive at point B was far stronger than my fear of the process required to get there. Let me say that again – MY DESIRE TO ARRIVE AT POINT B WAS FAR STRONGER THAN MY FEAR OF THE PROCESS REQUIRED TO GET THERE. After all, my daughter and her husband were at point B. An adventure with my family was at point B. History and encounter and wonder were at point B. I have to tell you, I love point B – and the fear that might have wanted to hinder my journey, had to admit defeat when I buckled my seatbelt on that plane. “Click – I’m going to Italy, Fear, so deal with it. “

Perhaps of greater significance however, is the fact that this recovering clacrophobist had previously chosen to entrust her life, health and well-being to the care of a Heavenly Father who promised never to leave or forsake her. Whether I’m on the ground or in mid-air, I am confident the Lord is with me, and knows how to manage my life. On this flight, the Lord kept me company and in the course of our flight, He reminded me that in this uncertain life, I may lack complete knowledge of specific things like aerodynamics and microbiology and sanctification and such – but that doesn’t make those things less trustworthy. My knowledge of those things doesn’t put me more in control and it doesn’t make me safer. They are principles and truths that are not dependent upon my understanding them to hold true. In some weird way, I think if I “get it”, I’ll be safer, but that’s just a desire to control my world. So I guess that’s the real confession here: not that I fear enclosed spaces or high places, but that I tend to want to control my world in order to feel safe, when in fact, my salvation is already assured by the One who knows everything, holds everything and loves me dearly.

I wonder - do you have a desire in this New Year to get to a point B? Perhaps you would like to learn a new skill, or you would like to adopt a spiritual discipline, or be more outward, or be a better example of the love of Jesus. Maybe, like me, you just want to learn to trust God more fully. Sometimes, the transformation process can be very unsettling as we look towards point B, but can I encourage you to click the seatbelt and trust your Pilot? He knows what He’s doing, He knows where you need to go, and He knows how to carry you there. Breathe and trust Him.

Happy New Year!

Andy and I had the opportunity to travel with our youngest son, Sam, to Italy earlier this month. Our primary purpose was to visit our daughter, Laura and her husband Zach who is an officer in the U.S. Air Force and stationed in Aviano - but our secondary purpose was to see as much of Italy as we could inside of two weeks. In the end, we visited 6 countries, saw many amazing sights and ate the most incredibly delicious food! We were very grateful for this tremendous opportunity and know we'll never forget the adventure!

We made every attempt to share snippets of our journey on facebook as often as we could throughout our time there, and many friends have expressed their appreciation for the ability to vicariously follow us on our travels. For those who might be interested in more...we are sharing here, the fuller slide-show version of our overseas trip. It may start automatically - so be sure to roll your cursor over the program below, turn your speakers on, and click back to the beginning if you missed the first couple of slides while reading this! The first slide starts with "OUR TRIP TO ITALY DECEMBER 2011". (Flash player is required.)

We pray you will enjoy a happy, grace-filled, vision-fulfilling NEW YEAR! God bless you!

Love,
Andy and Kathy

Shine

I love God. I love how He drew me, rescued and saved me and I’m especially grateful for His unending grace. I am grateful for any opportunity I have to share His love with others but I have a confession to make: sometimes I feel pretty inadequate for the task. Do you ever feel that way? Sometimes, after I share with others about God, I second guess most of what I said – feeling a little foolish for poorly communicating the magnitude of such great truth. Maybe that’s why they call it “inexpressible joy”. I clumsily fumble around for words that are just out of reach when trying to describe God, His love & His truth. I’m just a weak, imperfect person after all and Jesus is – well – amazing! I can come away from those interactions feeling rather foolish and a bit intimidated, potentially hindering my future attempts at sharing God’s truth with others. But all the while, He grants me grace and continues to impart His life and love into my heart, causing it to well up like a river needing an outlet.

Today, the Lord began to speak into this struggle for me during worship. It was one of those moments of transforming encounter and here I am again, in a place of wanting to share His love with others. (That’s you!) The Lord showed me several different pictures and spoke to my heart about each one.

The first thing I “saw” was a butterfly. “A butterfly has lovely, colorful wings because I spilled out My glory and splendor on that tiny, graceful creature. It would be wrong for a butterfly to stay wrapped up in her cocoon when she has such pretty wings, not to mention her new ability to fly! Spread your wings, daughter. When you do, you display My Glory. It’s what you were made for.”

Next, I saw a gorgeous, intricately jeweled, purple necklace. I felt like the Lord Himself had prepared it for me and was moving toward me, to place it upon my neck. (He knows how much I like the color purple!) I certainly felt overwhelmed and humbled to be so blessed by Almighty God and I was tempted to draw back. In that moment, I felt the Lord speak to me again, “This necklace is a picture of My glory and My love for you, personally. It is My desire to grace you with it – but you’ll need to yield to this gift, to wear it freely, and allow the splendor to shine for others to see.”

A few moments later, I saw a gold decorative plate holder. Do you know what I mean? I’m talking about those small, gold easels that people use to display their hand-painted collector's plates. “The easel itself may glisten in the light, and even though it may be made of pure gold, its purpose is still to simply display the glory and beauty of the plate. You’re like the easel – let My Glory rest upon you.”

Then I saw a large feather – the kind they used to use as quill pens. “The life of the story is not INSIDE the feather, it’s inside the heart and comes out as the tip of the quill is dipped into ink and words are written out as the heart directs. Yield yourself to My heart and My hand as I write My story through your life.”

Finally, the Lord spoke to me about the paper upon which His story is written. Similar to the feather quill analogy, He encouraged me to allow Him to write His love story on my life, so that others could read it, find hope in it, and discover His lavish love for them as well. His encouragement to me this morning brought great personal freedom to allow the life of Jesus to flow freely through me, as He wills.

Although it really is all about the greatness and majesty of Almighty God, He delights to use weak human beings, like you and me, to reveal His glory to the world. His power is made perfect in our weakness. In Christ, we have an opportunity to get over ourselves and let Him be glorified through our yielded lives. It is not humility to resist shining with the love of God; it’s humility to submit to it. Let's do that. My friend, let's be free and live out loud.

“Let your life shine before men!” ~Jesus

Safe and Sound

Today, my beloved church family and I celebrated our Pastors’ 20^th year of ministry at our humble church, in our small town of Warsaw. Pastors Chris and Kayren Lonneville have sacrificially and faithfully cared for many lost souls and broken hearts over the years, mine included. It was our privilege to take some time during our morning service to offer up words of gratitude and testimony regarding how God has used these two very special people in our lives. One of the themes I heard several times throughout this time of sharing was that of feeling “safe” under the leadership and care of Pastor Chris and Kayren. I’ve often thought that a sense of safety is one of our basic human needs. For some, perhaps safety doesn’t seem like a big issue, but for those of us who have ever been rattled by the insecurity of uncontrolled circumstances, the betrayal of those we’ve held most dear, or the trauma of abuse, safety becomes the most important possession for life and peace. Even when our circumstances settle down, our soul may still quiver and quake for weeks, months, even years as we grope for something solid – truth – assurance that we can begin to trust that life won’t implode in upon us in the next minute.

Twenty years ago, I found myself in despair and without direction – daily rattled to the core with a sense of profound vulnerability and fragility. In God’s mercy and love, He held me in a healing embrace and gave me the gifts that would help me find my sanctuary – my safe place in God; those gifts are named Chris and Kayren. Through their loyal, faithful and fierce devotion to my family and me, gradually I found that the grace holding me up was solid, strong and sure. Even if I faltered or failed, this grace sustained me, and my pastors continued to gently care for me in my weakness. I think that’s what made me feel safest: the unconditional love, care and support through those hardest times. I could rest while I healed. My church became like an ICU, and my pastors oversaw my healing, while they prayed that the Great Healer would go deep into my heart, putting the pieces back together. And He did. And He does.

Good pastors help foster a safe place for those who feel unsafe, and yet they also encourage those hiding in comfort zones to come out and trust God with the mysteries and uncertainties of life. Pastor Chris and Kayren taught me that my safety isn’t about what goes on around me, but Who reigns in me. I know that I can fully trust Jesus, the King of my heart. I believe that Chris and Kayren are great pastors and great pastors sit by your bed in the ICU until you find strength to walk. They walk beside you until you find the power to run. And they coach, challenge and cheer you on to run with all your might, until you get off the ground – and fly.

I sincerely love and appreciate these two gifts from God, my pastors, Chris & Kayren.

Encounter

On occasion, I have the opportunity to talk with friends who are struggling and facing serious issues, and are seeking counsel and direction. I whisper a prayer to the Lord for His wisdom, and I often sense Him directing me to share a testimony from my own journey towards wholeness. He causes me to recall change points when I was brought to the end of myself and He came in as the Hero of my heart. For instance, I may recount the time when I seriously struggled with unbelief, and Jesus came to me by His Spirit and spoke truth to my heart which brought freedom. Or He might ask me to tell the story of victory over fear that came when Jesus touched my mind and heart with truth and love. Or perhaps the time when my heart was broken over the death of my dear friend, and the healing I found as my Father held me close, and reminded me that she is home and happy with Him.

Everyone struggles, but each of those struggles are as diverse as the individuals who have them. When we wrestle with issues, we just want to find the “How to” list that describes how we can get out of those difficult things with minimal pain and suffering. But, there is no “How to” list. How the Lord chose and chooses to heal me, may not be the same way He chooses to heal or free others. However, generally speaking, I believe He does use the same "method" when He brings healing to His children. Encounter.

Remember the woman with the issue of blood? For twelve years she suffered, seeking help from every possible health care provider available to her. Unfortunately, she remained in her shameful condition, and found herself near despair….until Jesus came to town. She heard the Healer was walking down her street and although it was unlawful for her to even share the same air-space as her fellow Jewish friends and family, she ran into the crowd. In desperation and risking being trampled, she lunged forward simply to touch the hem of Jesus’ robe. When she did this, power flowed through Jesus and He felt it. He stopped and looked at her in amazement. “Daughter, your faith has made you well! Go in peace and healing!” From that moment on – that moment where she touched Him in her need, and He touched her with His loving power, an exchange of healing happened. Encounter happened and healing resulted.

She was in need. And in a combination of desperation and faith, she cried out to Jesus which resulted in a life-changing encounter with the King of kings. When I look back on my own journey of healing, I realize that those awful struggles brought me to a place of desperate need. Struggle and need are not the problem - those things may be the motivation we need to reach out for the One who is walking down our street. It is in the ENCOUNTER that we find wholeness. Not in a list of dos and don’ts. It's not found in our goodness or ability to compensate for our weaknesses. It's also not found in exploring all of our bad memories or singing the right songs or reading the right scriptures….not that those are wrong things to do. They just will not bring you the freedom you need unless Jesus breathes on those things...unless His power touches your heart. Looking back, I can say with confidence that at every point of pain in my life that resulted in true and lasting healing, Jesus was on the scene, speaking life to my heart and bringing me freedom. It is in the very real ENCOUNTER with Jesus that I found and find what I so desperately need.

Are you struggling with affliction – in body, in mind, in spirit or soul? Let hope arise, run to Jesus and lunge with all your heart for His touch. I have good news, He really wants to be caught by you. He died and lives today, to bring you life and healing today.

Jeremiah 29:13-14

“…You will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, says the LORD, and I will bring you back from your captivity…”

A Time to Weep

“A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.” Ecclesiastes 3:4

I’m feeling sad.

Sadness used to be a scary feeling I’d avoid at all cost. I think part of the reason for that is because I didn’t trust myself to be sad. It was like a mysterious black hole that could suck me in without any hope of surfacing to happiness again. I sidestepped sadness by ignoring the more difficult facts of life, hiding myself from painful feelings of sorrow, and by putting on my prescription strength rose-colored glasses. Somewhere along the way, in the course of the healing work of Jesus in my heart, He held my hand and encouraged me to walk through those shadowy valleys with Him. Psalm 23:4 says, “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.” I find comfort in the promise of walking THROUGH and not being overcome and swallowed up by shadows. It doesn’t take the sadness out of those valleys, but it does remove the fear and gives me courage to put one foot in front of the other. I also find comfort in knowing I don’t go through those valleys by myself. I have a Friend who is acquainted with my grief and as cheesy as the “Footprints” poem can be, I know that there are times when walking through can feel just too hard. I need my Comforter to carry me. And He does.

I’m feeling sad because I have a friend, Lisa, who is very ill and is in the process right now, of passing from this life to the next. I’ve spent some time crying in the midst of my friend’s battle with this evil cancer-monster. The tears have increased in recent days, as it is apparent that her death is imminent. I’ve thought some about those tears, even as they spill uncontrollably, sliding down my cheeks. Why am I crying? I mean I know that she’s safe in the hands of God, and yet I cry. So, what are the tears about?

If I cry for Lisa, it is only because I hate the thought of her suffering, but the truth is, her pain has been relatively well-managed. I’m grateful for that. I’m sad that she leaves a teenage daughter she had hoped to raise to adulthood. Lisa told me just recently however, that she has a deep peace and trusts the Lord with her daughter and her future. Lisa’s salvation is secure; her love for the Lord, absolute. She’s on her way to a celebration of life, joy and freedom! So mostly, my tears aren’t for her.

So what are the tears about?

I cry because her little girl faces the prospect of losing her mom at a crucial time in life. I cry for Lisa’s husband – and pray he finds real Hope in all this. I cry for the broken hearts of her mom and dad, whose depth of pain, few can possibly understand. I cry for the heartache of many friends and family – but especially for those who do not yet know there is a Comforter who longs to heal their broken lives.

And I cry for me. I love my friend. I don’t want her to leave because if she does, it's going to hurt. I’m really going to miss her. I know I’ll see her again someday, and that takes the sting out of death, but it doesn’t necessarily remove the sadness of separation. Sorrow is real, and hard, and incredibly sad – but it’s ok. If you’ve loved much, then you’ve likely also known the profound pain of loss. It’s risky to love because of that potential for pain, but life isn’t really full without it. So, we live, we love, we laugh…and sometimes we grieve. I am grateful that we have the promise of getting through this valley, with God. This isn’t the end.

Lisa recently shared this scripture with her church family: Isaiah 43:2-3 “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you. For I am the LORD your God, The Holy One of Israel, your Savior.”

May we give one another room to grieve as God walks each of us through our own heartaches. May we comfort one another with the comfort with which we have been comforted. I pray we not avoid or ignore the sadness we feel, but I also pray that we not remain in the valley of the shadows. We can trust the Lord to lead us and carry us through those valleys, even when the sadness feels overwhelming. Finally, may we encourage one another as we look forward to that Day, when we will laugh and dance at the greatest family reunion ever conceived, worshiping the One who makes us one.

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4/4/11 8:00 AM Update: Lisa went home to be with Jesus this morning. Good-bye sweet friend. I rejoice with you and the all-consuming joy and peace that's yours right now. I grieve for the rest of us who will miss you dearly. I love you.