I've known June Edith Mauer for 32 years and called her "Mom" for 28 of those years. The truth is, she embraced me as her daughter long before I ever said, "I do" to her son, Andy. That's just the sort of gracious woman she is...er, I mean "was". I hate using the word "was". It abruptly snaps me into inescapable reality. Mom isn't with us any more. Ugh.
We lost her quite suddenly just five weeks ago, when a heart valve gave out. There were so many urgent decisions made on that day, so many difficult phone calls to make as we attempted to keep the family apprised of the dire situation. She left us quickly and peacefully on that day in October, but none of us were quite prepared for so great a loss. She was the matriarch of our large family, taking on a lead role since her husband, our Pop, suddenly left us just three years before. Now it was up to her children to come together, and make decisions regarding funeral arrangements, financial decisions and everything related to the estate left to our care. The details surrounding such an event certainly demand quite a bit of focus, but thanks to the grace of God, we have been carried through those details with relative peace and unity.
So, here we are one month later and the sadness that was partially eclipsed by so much busy-ness, is finding it's way to the surface of my heart, especially as the holidays ebb ever closer. It's like I haven't yet fully realized the finality of the situation. I find myself wanting to ask her questions about Christmas or Thanksgiving - our typical autumn conversational topics. And then, my heart sinks in that same moment as I realize she won't be there to answer those questions. She won't be decorating the Thanksgiving table this year, lighting the candles to provide the right atmosphere, or sitting at the head of the table next to our son, Phil. She won't be making an apple pie this year, or putting out the dish of junior mints following dinner. She, more than anyone in my life, taught me how to "do" holidays with gracious flare. That's why there's a part of me that dreads the holidays this year - because we have to celebrate without Mom's presence, the queen of holiday spirit. How do we walk through this?
By grace.
We will find God's grace as we remember that truly, we have more than our fair share of reasons to GIVE THANKS this year, and by remembering that Jesus, our Immanuel, WAS and IS her Lord and Savior, and for the first time, she will be able to celebrate HIM face to face this Christmas. We will find grace to celebrate her life, and thank the Lord for her tremendous impact upon each of our lives. Will I be sad? Absolutely. I miss her. But - more than that, I am confident that June, who has walked in a cloud of sadness for the past three years, is no longer sad, but rejoices that she's finally home - where she belongs.
Thank you Lord - for sharing "MOM" with us. We knew Your love, through this gracious woman and we couldn't be more grateful for that. Please, just hold our hearts during these coming weeks and help us hear You whisper the comfort that will soothe this ache. We lean on You.
